Feeling Heavy
August 29th, 2006 | Published in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
Tonight I am sitting here in one of my parents guest rooms, formerly my brothers room when we were growing up, just thinking about life. I took this vacation that I am on for a few reasons. For one, I just needed to get away from everything that has been going on with work, friends, family, roommates, and life in general. It has been nice to step away from everything for awhile and just relax. Second, I wanted to have the chance to make some major decisions about my future with the high school ministry that I am thinking about working with. Third, I wanted to see some friends that have moved back home to take jobs in the area. Fourth, to spend some down time with my folks after they get home from work and just catch up with them and what has been going on in their lives while I have been doing mine in Austin.
Granted, I have been on work e-mail for the past few days and I part of me still feels like I haven’t really left. There are still a few things that I feel like I am working on even while I am home about about 150 miles from Austin, truly unable to perform many of my duties while not at work – yet somehow I still feel responsible.
I’m not sure why, but I feel this sense of burden. I feel like today has been a heavy day for me all in all. I did get to see some good friends I haven’t hung out with in a long time and we finally got some rain around here. But I’m not sure why it is that I feel the way that I do. I guess in all my down time, I have finally taken the time to stop what it is that I have been doing and think. To pray and to meditate on what it is that God wants of me. How He wants to use me, rather than me just trying to do it all.
I really have no clue. But I feel burdened for some reason. A sense of heaviness that I haven’t really felt in a long time. I knows it’s not the burden of work because there isn’t much I can do from here. And the longer that I sit here and think about what I feel, it’s almost a good feeling of heaviness.
Is feeling heaviness or burden ever a good thing?
August 30th, 2006 at 11:23 am (#)
In answer to your question, I think so. Of course, it can depend on the source. Things can weigh heavy on my heart sometimes and most of the time it’s related to something I am worrying about. In that case, it’s not a good thing unless I take the opportunity to surrender it. On the other hand, a small portion of the time that something weighs heavily is a result of a desire to do something different, to take action, to pursue my dreams, etc. Sounds like you are allowing yourself to think and listen so perhaps what you feel is something in the works–something that will lead you to action be it small or large or physical or spiritual.
September 1st, 2006 at 10:05 am (#)
I’m pretty sure that it means that you need to call me back.